We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
