no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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