Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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