she was so not down for the gang bang
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
