You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
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Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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