This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize