i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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