Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
