just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
