Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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