Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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