i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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