I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
