One girl and one boy is just not enough.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
