Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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