I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
