Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said her name was "party"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
