I want to make a zoo with you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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