Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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