I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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