can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
