I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
