And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Vodka?
Forever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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