Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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