i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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