The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
