is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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