I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
