guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
