kristin has been a bad kristin
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
