dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
