Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
