totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
