Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everyone says I win the strip club
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
