I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Randomize
