Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
