I could have mohawked her pubes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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