FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
