my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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