When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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