Will you blow on my dice?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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