erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
