The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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