Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
