i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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