she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
