Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize