i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
