I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
