girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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