Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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