Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
