I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
