Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
