Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
