Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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