i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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