i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize